Christmas in July… or May, or…

So it is no secret to anyone that knows me that I love Christmas. The music, the lights, the decorations, the trees, the love, the gatherings, the faith & all it represents. So why do I think some people like “Christmas in July”? Maybe it’s a reminder, of Faith, of family, of friends, of blessings, without the additional stress that we tend to put on ourselves in December. The “hustle and bustle” of the season. We can just relax and listen to Christmas music, watch a Christmas Hallmark and feel the joy and the feels and the spirit of the Christmas season and not stress all the things that need to be done before the big day. Maybe?!?

Honestly I listen to Christmas music all year whenever the need arises!!! It brings me happiness.

Anyone else like to enjoy the spirit of the holidays throughout the year?

When someone leaves us

So hard when someone leaves us to move on to their next great adventure. Could be someone you know well. Someone you have met before. Even a pet. I suppose depending on your faith you can feel differently about loss than another person. Every loss strikes us differently. Some you feel, they had such an amazing presence on this earth and were here for such a wonderful long time… and you feel at peace with their peace. Others you feel have been taken too soon. It feels unfair and sudden and absolutely heartbreaking. Some you feel there were things left unsaid… things left undone and can never really have that closure unless you have faith in the power of prayer.

Recently someone we know through our friends, was taken too soon. He has a young family, he is a son, a husband, a daddy, a business owner, an artist, a friend and I am sure so much more to so many others. We weren’t close but we knew him. He had a very recent diagnosis that lead to his leaving suddenly and way too soon. My heart hurts for his family and friends. The suddenness and completeness and quietness of death is so sad to me.

I am writing because it really does help me process. I am not asking for any, I’m sorry for your loss, as I don’t feel this is so much about my loss as it is about the loss of his light from his family. Prayers to lift his family would always be welcome as they, I am sure, are devastated and really need prayers to carry them to a place of peace.

Remember life is precious. Life is amazing and life is a gift. Life can be gone so fast. Cherish every second. Take the chances, laugh a lot, take the trips, build the memories, dance with your babies in the kitchen (they will remember those moments!) Live your life and make it special in the time that we have here. Prayers for anyone grieving or having a hard time right now over loss. If you don’t believe in prayer then positive vibes and love to you.

Glowing Pains

I have decided to change the title of my writings to ExPat Family Life and the Glowing Pains after. So much has happened in the last 2.5 years and I really haven’t written and I miss it. I guess it doesn’t really matter if anyone reads this blog, but it is a way to journalize my feelings and is therapeutic to me.

We moved back to the states in January 2022. It was a small amount of reverse culture shock as we really assimilated to life in Germany and really LOVED it! The kids thrived with the teachings at their school and the freedoms they had with the tram system and being able to go to the city on their own, the forests, and school all on public transportation. I miss being part of the ISHR community and my friends I made while there. They were quickly made, lifetime friendships and we now have friends/family all over this amazing world. First impressions when coming back, the schools were HUGE, life is LOUD in the USA, you cannot get anywhere without a car, there are SO many kinds of eggs and options to choose from at the grocery store we didn’t know where to start. Life seems a lot more complicated. The kids eventually found their way at their new schools, but it took longer then it did in Germany. ISHR definitely prepared them for their classes here because they both have excellent grades. I have more that I can write about Repatriation but that is not what weighs on my heart at this moment.

At this very moment we, as a family, are missing our girl. We dropped her off at her university yesterday, for her freshman year. We look forward to seeing who she will become and how she will grow and learn and change over the next few years. It’s so hard to let go though. We miss her so much. I am so excited for her new adventure and her new phase in her life. I pray that we have given her all the tools necessary to thrive! For me, I am so sad for the ending to a phase in our lives. Her silliness, her sassiness, her love, her sadness, her joys… will not be a part of our everyday lives. 18 years seems like a huge number, trust me it’s not. I want more time with that little girl. Who will ask me every Saturday morning, ” So what are we going to do today?”, who will walk with me through antique stores and thrift shops and farm shops? And so much more. Her brother is missing her tremendously. Really awesome that they are best friends. What a strange feeling to be so absolutely excited and happy for her and yet be mourning this time for the rest of us. I know this is still fresh and everyone with children, goes through this at some point and we are blessed that she is the smart, brave girl she is, and that she gets to go to college and wants to go to college! It’s just a tough transition for all of us and I hope it gets easier!

I would love to hear from others who have also gone through it and how you were able to embrace this new chapter!

We love you Kendall and we look forward to seeing you soar!!!
XXXOOO

Leaving

Time has gone by so quickly. My family is on a roller coaster of emotions as we close out our lives here in Germany. Leaving the USA was not as hard because we knew we would be back in 3 short years. 3 years where so much has happened. My children have grown so much. Have a new world view. My immediate family in the USA has grown by two more little babies that I cannot wait to meet. Time marches on but I wish it could slow down. New home, new neighborhood, new school, new jobs, new people to meet on the horizon. Reconnecting with family and friends. Saying good bye to friends here in Germany that we are so blessed and thankful for having met and have become part of our hearts. We have learned from you all, new cultures, traditions, words, ways of thinking. You and your families have filled gaps in our lives we didn’t know were there and were an unexpected wonderful gift!

Oh the places we have been! I never thought I would see the Eiffel Tower or walk a beach in Italy or experience the beautiful city of Barcelona and OMG the stunning beauty of Switzerland and it’s mountain lakes! How lucky are we to have walked in so many places on this beautiful earth! One of our favorites Greece was overwhelmingly beautiful and historical and magical! London England was fun and full of history and friendly people! Amsterdam was exciting and enchanting!

Our home here in Hannover was the most perfect spot for us. I will forever remember this house and our lake and George the goose as well as the occasional hedgehog and red squirrels as being our favorite home. We will probably never have a home quite like this with it’s wood beams and beautiful fireplace and serene lake, but with access to a tram, 3 minutes away, that brings us right into our beautiful city center! Hannover has been a wonderful place to watch Kendall and Duncan grow up. The freedom it offers them to explore with their friends is amazing. The forests and surprise animal sanctuaries and beer gardens and sledding hills and bike paths and playgrounds within were awesome! Hannover Zoo and the Christmas markets were my favorite places to visit!

Living in Hannover, our friends, our school, our home has been a wonderful life altering adventure. We will miss everyone so much. I am sure someday this will all seem like a dream… it already does and it’s so hard to leave.

xxxooo

50

Where did I think I would be at 50? What have I accomplished? What am I good at, I have had 50 years to be great at something? Where am I going? Is it too late to ask that question? Why do I have so many questions? Didn’t I think that by 50 I would have this all figured out? I remember thinking that. Should I keep it a secret from my kids that I don’t have it all figured out? Because I think parents did that. I think I felt my parents always seemed to have it figured out, well I thought so, but looking back, I guess not. They made mistakes and life happened and I guess they learned along the way too. I do not keep it a secret from my kids. They know there are struggles and they know that I too am constantly learning. They know I make mistakes and hopefully they see me come through it or handle these things with grace and maybe a few too many tears as I can be emotional, but I hope they see that’s okay too! I cry with frustration, anger, happiness, joy, sadness… so I basically have to say, I’m crying because I’m happy, so they know it’s ok. I also hope they see it’s okay to laugh at oneself and to take everything in stride.

So here I am, at 50. When I look in the mirror sometimes I see my Mom staring back, or my Dad, or sometimes even my Grandma. It all depends on the day. All are or were uniquely themselves and special to me in different ways and I hope I am making them proud? Although I am not sure, apart from becoming a serial killer or something criminal, that you have to do much to make your parents proud. Try your hardest, be kind, and thrive! My proudest moments were creating two beautiful children that amaze me daily. Quick witted and adaptable and kind and adventurous and smart. I am watching them become their own people. I worry of course when I see their struggles or things go sideways or they want something different then what I want for them. Does that make sense? I mean that I think they could be extraordinary if they did this, but they don’t want to, they want to do this… because it is what brings them joy. Who am I to tell them what will bring them joy. They are their own individual selves!

So a reflection of my life at 50 years in. I miss the days that most my age will often write about. Of being outside until the street lights come on (NY) or until you heard your friend called home by the cowbell (CT). Of no cellphones and stretching the cord of the phone around to a room where you can speak to your friends in privacy. Of biking everywhere and it always being a great adventure. Of lazy summer days where you were outside with your friends playing handball, getting ice cream, playing kickball, swimming in the neighbors pool, exploring the neighborhoods or forests. Falling asleep to the melody of the Mr Softie truck (I was probably 5). I miss going to Grandma’s for dinner on Sundays.  All that said, it’s a brave new world! All kids seem to be in some sort of organized sports, if not through school through the town or a club team or if not sports then dance (which may fall under sports really!)  If they are not in those things I am not sure that something bad will happen but some seem to think so.

Well I don’t really think I am great at anything. Some are proud of the home they have. I am proud that we took a crazy brave step as a family and took an opportunity to travel to a new country and live here for a few years. At 47 and 12 and 9 years we wrote our pros and cons down when the opportunity presented itself and found they were so much the same that it was a crazy revelation, such different ages and we felt the same way about such a huge life decision. We hung them up on a wall, pros on one side cons on the other and the pros outweighed the cons. What a great eye opening opportunity this has been. We learned that wherever we are, it is not the house that makes the home, it is the people living in it and the love that is there. So while it was hard to sell our first house, soooo many firsts in that house for us all and so many wonderful memories, where we are now fits too. I remember one day Duncan came home from school and said that it used to feel like coming to a hotel or someone else’s house but now it feels like it’s always been our home. It’s funny I don’t think he meant it as a good thing… although when he saw my eyes well up he said he meant it as a good thing!

 I don’t think I am the best wife. I am an emotional wife and perhaps sometimes I am difficult. Sometimes people think that marriage should be all joy and happiness and I have not found that. It’s about adapting, accepting, trust, understanding, frustrations. You are taking two imperfect beings and putting them together for life. But it’s also about having a best friend always by your side. You are never going to agree on everything… or am I wrong about that? But you hopefully find a common ground or a compromise. I have been married 22 years. We started dating in 1990!!! All sunshine and rainbows, right John?! We have been together through it all but I am truly blessed to find someone that cares so much for his family.

I like to paint (new found hobby) I find that to be fun. COVID discovery. But I wish I was better. I like to write. I would love to write a book. Many do not know but I have started two in my life. One was about religion. I have a ton of notes in a notebook, somewhere safe…  Another was a supernatural kind of book (like the kind I enjoy reading) that I actually started typing up in my notes section on my phone. Also saved in a safe place now… I think when you decide you want to write a book you need to dive in… you cannot dabble or you may not get through it. Maybe if I can find my notes on the book about religions I could pick that back up… as it was more my research on different religions and basically a personal book on my thoughts and journey through religion and it is still a topic that interests me. I like people. I like to hear different stories and meet new people and learn about them. Their thoughts on all the things that make a life. I could sit and talk for hours to someone just to hear what they think. I am great at reading. Ha there it is… I love to read, most of the time not books that others would think would matter. I enjoy fantasy, supernatural, Sci-fi kind of stories. Stories that take you away from real life. Which I think is why I found the idea of starting a book club at our school for the parents intriguing. It was a way to force myself to branch out to other books. Of course the first book was a science fiction book so not really branching out. Since then I have read the Vanishing Half which was thought provoking and now I am reading Eat, Pray, Love… I decided to watch the movie first. I had never seen it and I loved it! It actually made me excited to read the book and I feel so far at 10% in according to my Kindle, it is so good! I can’t wait to read more. So the book club has done exactly what I needed it to do. Forced me to expand on my reading and maybe learn more! I love dogs and most animals so there’s that. I look forward to our journey home to the US and making a new house a home for my family.  I am not excited about my children growing up… where did the time go!? I am joking a little, I am excited to watch them embark on their own stories but wow I miss those baby giggles and kisses and cries and hugs and unexpected moments. Reminder to all of you new parents, cherish every second, every 2am, 3am, 4am bottle time. Take all the photos and be in as many as you can with your family and friends. Capture those moments, if not for you then for your children to look back on.

All of that but who am I? What makes a life extraordinary? Is it the people you have in it? Maybe that is it. I could name extraordinary things about every person in my life but not about myself. Is that odd? I am my own worse critic! Reflecting on where I have been and where I am is always a challenge to me. I could have done more, I could have touched more lives, is that important? I am starting to think it is to me. How can I do that now? I think that is the question I need to answer for myself.  

So these are my ramblings and maybe I will start a new blog page – 50+ ramblings, because I have a lot of thoughts to share! By the way I see the title of 50+ ramblings and I feel OLD! So maybe it will just be Heather’s Ramblings! Heather’s Head! Heather! Hmmm need to think on that. SO why is this on my ExPat page? Because I am part of this ExPat family, because I turned 50 while an ExPat, because being the “trailing spouse” on this ExPat journey (through a Pandemic) has given me time to think and reflect and this is a result of that.

As always thanks for reading! Xxxooo

Sincerely from,

Heather’s Head…
Heather’s Heart…
TBD 😉

May 2021

It’s May 2021. Our children have just started back at school on an every other day schedule. They have been doing online schooling since December. I cannot express how happy I am that they are able to see friends and classmates again. Over 5 months at home is too long, they are not getting to experience life the way I would wish it for them. I feel like we are in some weird holding pattern waiting for this to pass, in the meantime another year has gone by in a blink. This pandemic is something I hope to never see again, and it is not in the rearview mirror yet. It has changed my perspective. We thought our time as ExPats would be different. I thought it would mean travel and adventures all over Europe. Seriously a pandemic, talk about horrible timing! As if there is good timing for one to occur. I have had way too much time to think, time to worry, time to be grateful, time to feel sorry for myself, time to read, time to watch the news in horror at what is going on in the world, time to learn, more time to spend with my children, but yet there is still never enough time. Do you ever feel that way? I have definitely been places I never thought I would be able to see. That has been amazing. I also know that my family is truly blessed, we are all healthy, we have each other and each day brings a fresh start. We have friends from all over the world now, my children have friends from everywhere. Their world view had been broadened and they are learning so much about different cultures and the spark has been lit to learn more! There are countries at war right now. Families that have to hide in bunkers with their children, praying they make it through… can you imagine? I cannot imagine how I would handle that. I am not sure I could even grasp the reality of this if I had not moved here and made some dear friends that are currently in this situation. There are countries where COVID is so out of control that the news is absolutely horrifying and the prayers for our friends who have family in these countries are constant. There are people hoping to make it through the next week the next month due to illness, job loss, circumstances… taking all of this into account. My life is blessed. I have still had an experience of a lifetime being here in Germany. I wish I could help everyone else with their struggles and it weighs heavily on my heart. So I felt the need to write but I am not really sure what it is I am trying to say. I am feeling that everyone should think of something they are blessed for having, be grateful if you are able to think of something. Be grateful for the people you have met along your journey. Each one of those people have contributed to who you are because each person teaches you something that you take with you. Hopefully they also received something from you. My favorite quote, “Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.” – J.M. Barry

Something beautiful

Hi everyone! I am thrilled to say we were able to travel in October! Of course one of the exciting benefits of being an ExPat is getting to explore other areas of the world. Unfortunately that has been difficult in 2020 due to COVID. The children had a two week fall break in October and numbers were not out of hand here in Germany or in Greece. Duncan has been asking to see Greece so we looked into it and decided it sounded like a great idea! We booked the Poseidon Hotel of Athens, on the water. Nearby was a tram that would take us into the city center and across the street was the beach and a cool restaurant. We booked our airline tickets and then sat back and just hoped that we would get to go. During that wait our flights were rescheduled which was worrisome… but we continued to have hope that our adventure would happen! IT DID! We flew to Greece from Hannover to Heathrow to Athens. The trip was fun from the start. The planes were not packed. We sat every other seat, we wore our masks. Heathrow has a Harry Potter shop, so we weren’t even in Greece yet and the kids had already found souvenirs that they had to have. So of course Duncan got a wand (A Deatheater wand!) and Kendall got a Hedwig figurine. We also got chocolate frogs and some butterbeer. Butterbeer from the shop is nowhere near as good as the kind you get at Universal’s Diagon alley. In the lounge at Heathrow Kendall discovered she could order hot chocolate from her phone and was more then happy to order some for us all, repeatedly! We flew into Athens at night and the hotel van picked us up to drive us to the Poseidon that Saturday night.

Our rooms had an amazing beach view which was spectacular. That Sunday we walked over to the beach and spent the entire day there. The water was cool and the beach was kind of rocky, but it was perfect to Duncan who spent the day swimming. I spent a couple of hours in the water with him as did Kendall. John got his legs wet! haha, too cold for him, he’s been away from Long Island for too long. We ate lunch at the beach cafe and stayed on the beach to watch the sunset. It was so beautiful. That night we ate at Edem, a restaurant literally on the beach. The kids had their first lobsters! It was such a great day and a wonderful way to start a vacation.

Tuesday we trammed into Athens. We wore our masks and Greece has every other seating on their trams. Walking around Athens it is amazing to see ruins from 2000bc mixed amongst a modern day city! The churches are beautiful the ruins are awe inspiring. How amazing, I think Greece is a perfect place to go to relax and explore. This was honestly one of my favorite vacations ever. I won’t go through each day of our vacation. The things we toured were the Acropolis, Ancient Agora, Temple of Zeus, Syntagma Square (changing of the guard is done there), Theatre of Dionysus, Temple of Athena Nike, Hadrian’s Arch, Hadrian’s Library… and so many other places just by walking around Athens. What an amazing place full of history. Streets were filled with music and restaurants and lots of cats! I can’t believe we made it out of Greece without a stowaway kitty! While walking through the streets of Athens we bumped into Duncan’s best friend, Ayush, from school! How crazy is that! We ate dessert twice at a really cool place called the Little Kook. It’s down a side street and I was told about it by my friend Gretchen. One day we were trying to decide what to do next and thought why not try to find it! IT WAS SO COOL! It’s a coffee/dessert shop. They have an entire street that has an ice-cream place a candy place a coffee shop. It is decorated completely for whatever theme they are currently doing. While we were there it was decorated for Halloween. The waitresses were dressed as witches the music was spooky and the atmosphere was so great! We went twice! Their desserts were delicious. Every nook and corner and rooftop and even the bathrooms were decorated. What a sight to see! Definitely recommend it. We also took a ferry boat over to Aegina while in Greece. We were able to see the Temple of Apollo, swim at a beautiful beach (sandy and crystal clear), and enjoy some delicious food and pistachios! This was John’s favorite place, I think. If there is anything we may have missed it would be to explore Santorini (this is the picture you have in your mind of Greece, white buildings with blue domed roofs.) We did not get a chance to explore this island. Greece is truly beautiful and amazing and the people are kind and outgoing. We are so lucky we were able to experience it in our lifetime and I am so happy we went! It felt like such a way to celebrate John being better and taking ourselves away from the scariness of Corona for a bit.

Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy the photos. xxxooo

Be Kind

Small rant…

As we age the calls and information coming in changes. From hey guess who got engaged, yay looking forward to so and so’s wedding, did you hear who’s pregnant, guess who’s having a baby girl, come to our child’s 5th birthday, come to our child’s communion, confirmation, quinsenerra, come to their graduation, did you hear their daughter is going to NC state… to OMG they think it might be cancer, or OMG your friend had a heart attack… now do not get me wrong I know I am blessed that things have happened in this order for me(for the most part-clearly life has not been all sunshine and rainbows and I have lost loved ones that I wish were still here) some people don’t have all that happy without major sadness and challenges. But when the challenges happen they make you think. Have I done all I should in this life? Does everyone I love know how much they mean to me and how grateful I am to have them in my life? Have I spread more kindness then meanness? Have I made this world any better by having been in it? (Girl Scouts- have I left it cleaner then I found it?) Then I take a look at my Facebook or Twitter and I see the hate being spread all over the world. If you vote for this person just unfriend me now, if you feel this way about that then we can’t be friends, and as I’m sure most have seen the list goes on and on. Why is everything in absolutes? Why should I expect my friends and family to see everything the way I see it? Why would you name call someone you consider a friend? What happened to if you have nothing nice to say don’t say anything? Why would I think for a second that spewing hateful comments would change one’s views to see things my way? Social media has given everyone a voice, which is great. But it seems some take it as a license to say things that are cruel, maybe it all just looks so much worse in print? I hope we, as humans, find a way back to our humanity and kindness and find a better way to make change and make a difference.

As stated in other posts, we do not know how long we are meant to be on this earth so use your time wisely, be kind, have courage, love fiercely and treat one another how you would want to be treated. Be an example for our children.

Thanks for reading. Feel free to respond I am sure not everyone feels the same as me and that’s ok. xxxooo

Prayers and positive vibes for my friends and family that are struggling right now. Thinking of you all.

We didn’t start the fire

When I look at the world today I see chaos and devastation. Am I just more aware of what is going on? Am I paying more attention to the news around the word? Or is there just so much that you cannot help but notice it? There is the Coronavirus, there was a blip of something about Murder Hornets, there were locusts, there is police brutality, there is ongoing racism, there is the current war that seems to be going on against the police, there is CHAZ (what in the world is that nonsense), there is the removal of historical statues, there is a political battle going on that affects us all, there is the media insanity, earthquakes in Mexico, global warming and so many things I am missing from this list! Besides all of that we all have our own personal battles we may be fighting. Of course there is good, I see stories everyday of amazing healthcare workers who have really stepped up during the pandemic, there are our good police men and women out there serving and protecting people, there are people actually trying to learn about racism, becoming more aware of our own shortcomings and lack of knowledge. I just cannot help but feel there is still way too much chaos and for some of it I just don’t see the way out of the downward spiral. Recently someone spoke of Billy Joel on a post and I thought, I haven’t listened to him lately and I think I love every single song. So he has been on my play list. The song We Didn’t Start the Fire made me think there is a whole new period in history to sing about and many of the issues still stand or may have even worsened.. The violence must stop. It cannot be the answer and clouds the issues and solutions. I have to have hope that once the craziness has passed we as humans can fix the wrongs. I don’t have the answers, I will continue to better myself and my family using education, awareness, kindness, respect and love. Maybe that is the answer. Happy 4th of July!